my hopes

I'm starting not to know what to say anymore. I'm loosing my words and I can't seem to find them. I hurt deep inside and I have yet gain the answers to my questions. I cover myself with helping others so that I don't face my own problems. I am loosing my mind more and more everyday. only when he is around me I find comfort yet no answers but I can live with that. I'll stand by him as he'll stand by me. I keep faith in my heart because it gives me strength to wake up. I pray because it keep me sane and I believe because he believes in me. but until the day comes where I can receive my answers i will be incomplete. so till then I will do my best in maintaining my sanity and keeping my heart pure. I will do my hardest to find love within myself in hopes that it will overcome my sadness. with my blogs I will try to find my words and bring since to my loneliness.
I teach myself to help myself so that I can fully be able to teach and help others. I am no saint. I am not perfect and I have more flause then the next person. and because I this I will continue to move on and continue to gain what I have yet gain. (making any since) lol. 
one day I will be able to see the tomb where my father rests. it's been almost 5 yrs and since he is so far away  I have yet been able to see him or even go the day he was barried since they barried him so far away from in children. I hope he forgave me for not being the daughter I should have been and I will forgive him for not being the father he should have been. (there's always two storys to everything) 
I will find the heart to ask my mother who still lives to forgive me for all the wrong that I have done to her. I know she did her best in being a single parent and kept her strength and head up high through out all the hard and painful tragedies in our lives. 
I will ask my little sister to forgive me for leaving so young and not being by her side when she needed me the most. and even though she is only a year younger then me she is still my little sister and will do anything to protect her. I've some how erased most of my childhood memories with her and I'm still fighting to them back. 
I will help  my little brother as I have said and hope that he too can forgive me for my lack of being there for him as well. 
and in hopes that through this I will find more piece in my heart or I am to be doomed for the rest of my life.  brought harm and tears to my family and I've disappeared throughout our lives. I've came and went leaving them wondering why where and will I ever come back. I hope that  can change people lives so that they will not go through what I've gone through. and I hope that I can find myself for it is time for me to come out again.                                    THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.... 

for my little brother

i am trying to help him, but for some reason he seems lost. he is my brother, my little brother, my only brother. i jus hope that he understands how hard i am trying. i'll give him my all and all  the advice and guiedence that i can give him. i will not give up on him and i pray that he grows a little more patient. after all we are in a ressesioin and i am doin my best. i will not let him and i'll give him shelter and my love and support. i'll give him all my blessings in what ever he does and back him up on it. i know it is hard and since he is still young and has never fully has been on his own he can always lean on me because i am his sister, his older sister. i feel as though God sent him to live with me for a reason and untill i can fully help me i will not stop nor turn my back on him like everyone else has in the past. (to my sister: don't worry i am not talking about you lol) my brothers bday is on saturday and he hasn't had atleast a little party or even a girft nor a cake in years and i will do my all to give it to him jus to c him smile. i luv u junito. you have always gave me hope in moving on and strength when i lost faith. and now that ur growin weak i'll give you strength even if it's the last strength in my soul. and if you loose sight in your faith i will show you the way in claiming i back!! it's all yours bro b cuz i love u homie... I WON'T LET YOU DOWN...