what's on my mind....

       when I was young... "YOUNGER" I envied almost 99.9 % of people I knew, and giving exactly how old younger was chances are that I really didn't know a lot of people. But I still envied. I envied because when they were asked one of the basic question everyone ask a child "what do you want to be when you get older" they all knew what to say. me, I just looked at them and said nothing. sometimes they'll just look at me with a pity smile and tell me that I'm still young and  had lots of time to think about it and that I shouldn't rush. meanwhile I have friends that are doing what they love to do or working on what they want to do, may not be something they've always dreamt about but their happen. while I'm here sitting still with that same basic question "what do you want to be when you grow up". the only difference is that I am grown up. well I'm only 23 but how long is it suppose to take for me to say, "OK this is what I want to do. it's my passion." I'm still waiting for some sort of sign to tell me my destiny. or is there even such a thing. maybe I'm just being foolish.
       I'm currently a student studying computer programming and security but I'm having problems focusing. Could it be because that's what I'm not suppose to do with myself or is it because I'm way over my head with this stuff. Don't get me wrong I like computers. I pretty much live in mine. But is that a good enough reason to continue it?
        I have a Facebook page and 99.9999999 % of all my friends and family are in Florida. and the more and more I think about it, it makes me want to go back. when I speak to someone and I tell them I use to live in Florida the first thing they ask me is, "do you miss it?" and all I can say is hell no. but the truth of the matter is I really do. I miss it the peace of the night. the smell of the ocean every time a breeze came threw. what I didn't/don't miss is the hurricanes. ugh... I really don't miss those, lol. I don't think I was suppose to ever come back to jersey to stay. how can I fix my present to make my future better? how can I receive peace and love within myself and except things for what they are. better yet should I just say "oh well I get what I get and I just need to deal with it." is it enough for me? the bigger picture is that my mom now lives two hours away and a $40. dollars train ticket appose to living 24 hours away and a $500. dollar plane ticket. they two hours away sounds way much better. but darn, to leave the few things that I do have here. My home, my job, and my school. It gives me a headache not knowing what to do with myself.
        iIfeel like I'm being defeated. This is starting to take a toll on me.
                                                                 ~~LATER~~