Friday, March 19, 2010
a letter to jeff
I know it's simple of me just by writing this here, but there's something that the world needs to know. Papi I'm not holding back. no more hiding... the world must know how I feel about you and how we met... honestly I never thought we'd last this long. almost 4 yrs wow n I still LOVE YOU. every time I'm with you life just seems to be better. Every time I'm around my soul seems to be at peace. you're the only one that can understand me. you're the only one that doesn't judge me, the only one that can put a real smile on my face when I feel as if my world is falling apart. you always make me cry but their tears of joy. joy because I no longer have to be alone, joy because I wake up everyday next to you, and joy because you've opened my eyes. I know find myself in dark places at times, but when I'm with you the world seems to sit still. imagine the world asleep with only us walking around it's beauty, with the stars looking at us and the moon shining on us. walking around the world seeing all the secrets she holds... just you and me. sounds like a dream huh.. well, that's my dream... I live to love you and your love allows me to move forward... who would have thought that it's possible to meet someone online... after all we met on Myspace... lol... it's fun to see the expression on ppls faces when I tell them I met you on Myspace. when I think back it's crazy how the day we first seened each other we never stood apart from one another. from the good and the bad I'm always here for you. it's like destiny everything was perfect, you even know my family without having to have known me. that was a good thing 'cuz I didn't have to introduce you to everyone since you knew pretty much everyone.. lol. your a pain in the ass sometimes but I took you AS IS... so I can't return you. lol but I know I'm as much as a headache so I guess we are equal. ;) I just want you to know how special you are to me and when you read this know that I LOVE YOU.......
Sunday, March 14, 2010
it's been a while
wow it's been aready a month n i haven't post anything, must have been busy. wow it's amazing how time flies by. i don't really have anything to say right... i've been helping my mom get situated since she moved back to jersey... big change for her since it's been so long since she's been out here, everything different for her here. i love having her around. it's been years since we've spent dis much time with eachother. i'm glad for her and i hope she finds happiness here even though this place is hard to cope with...
well dats it for now... i have to get ready for work tomorrow...
well dats it for now... i have to get ready for work tomorrow...
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Questions?
Am I really meant for you?
And are you really meant for me?
Is the love we share true?
Is finding true love just a dream?
Do you need me as much as I need you?
After all your the first one there when I'm blue.
When you speak is it from the heart?
Is there a distance to our love?
Can it travel far?
When you say forever do you mean till death do us apart?
When you say I'm the only one do you really mean that I'm the only one?
And are you really meant for me?
Is the love we share true?
Is finding true love just a dream?
Do you need me as much as I need you?
After all your the first one there when I'm blue.
When you speak is it from the heart?
Is there a distance to our love?
Can it travel far?
When you say forever do you mean till death do us apart?
When you say I'm the only one do you really mean that I'm the only one?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
No longer...
We once were dreamers.
Destined to be forever.
Along came something powerful,
We then had a no longer.
I tried to plea with you,
But you were so awful,
Then there was a chance,
And I gave up and said
Forever was never true.
Your heart grew cold,
Days went by,
We both were alone,
Then months went by,
We had no future to hold.
I became dark,
You... more careless,
We separated far,
And I became fearless.
Bitter memories…
A part of me,
That will be the end of me.
I have foreseen,
How our love will remain misery.
But you once had hope,
And it was too late,
So u had to leave,
And we just changed.
I still keep you close,
Though you might not know,
That I look at the stars,
And sometimes wish we never
Had part…..
Destined to be forever.
Along came something powerful,
We then had a no longer.
I tried to plea with you,
But you were so awful,
Then there was a chance,
And I gave up and said
Forever was never true.
Your heart grew cold,
Days went by,
We both were alone,
Then months went by,
We had no future to hold.
I became dark,
You... more careless,
We separated far,
And I became fearless.
Bitter memories…
A part of me,
That will be the end of me.
I have foreseen,
How our love will remain misery.
But you once had hope,
And it was too late,
So u had to leave,
And we just changed.
I still keep you close,
Though you might not know,
That I look at the stars,
And sometimes wish we never
Had part…..
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I remember
I remember everything, all the good and bad,
I remember the most of the happy and sad.
I remember when you said we’ll always be together,
But I remember the most when it didn’t last forever.
I remember you held me hands just to walk me to class,
I remember how everything happened so fast.
I remember the looks you use to give me cuz you couldn’t believe,
I remember when you use to hold me and say how we will always be.
I remember the headaches we had when we couldn’t be next to each other,
And the timeless moments when we knew our future…
I remember the time when there was a time that we stood far apart,
And as the days went by we remained in each other hearts.
I remember the times when I use to dream of waking up next to you,
And the times where everything got so confused…
I remember the days where our youth were so perfect,
And in my heart I knew we deserved it.
I remember saying that I will never stop loving you,
I remember when years after you said you no longer loved me,
I remember laying there wondering if that was true,
I remember when I finally realized that it was never meant to be.
I remember telling you that if we were meant to be life will brings us together,
I remember everything because I always wonder…
I remember you because everything remembers me of you,
And even if you do not feel the same its ok cuz I’ll keep this from you.
I remember……
I remember the most of the happy and sad.
I remember when you said we’ll always be together,
But I remember the most when it didn’t last forever.
I remember you held me hands just to walk me to class,
I remember how everything happened so fast.
I remember the looks you use to give me cuz you couldn’t believe,
I remember when you use to hold me and say how we will always be.
I remember the headaches we had when we couldn’t be next to each other,
And the timeless moments when we knew our future…
I remember the time when there was a time that we stood far apart,
And as the days went by we remained in each other hearts.
I remember the times when I use to dream of waking up next to you,
And the times where everything got so confused…
I remember the days where our youth were so perfect,
And in my heart I knew we deserved it.
I remember saying that I will never stop loving you,
I remember when years after you said you no longer loved me,
I remember laying there wondering if that was true,
I remember when I finally realized that it was never meant to be.
I remember telling you that if we were meant to be life will brings us together,
I remember everything because I always wonder…
I remember you because everything remembers me of you,
And even if you do not feel the same its ok cuz I’ll keep this from you.
I remember……
Saturday, January 16, 2010
unfit mothers
wow it's been a long time but i'm here, still here. so much has happen and i don't kno where to begin. o happy 2010 everyone i kno i'm a lil late for dat but hey better late then never huh? i have some concerns towards my mother that is. i love this woman and i'll do anythin for her. without her i would never have been here and of course my father did his thang (lol) but my mother was the one who carried me, mothered me. took care of me. she is my world as i am hers and i hate the fact that she is goin through struggles wich i can't help her the way i'd like to. i cry with her laugh with her tell stories with her and dream with her. i luv her.
but.... thats not what i want to talk about. there's somethin that has been bothering me for a while and i'm tired of seeing this happen, but there's no way i can change it. it is what it is.
why do people get blessed with children and they're not even fit to be parents. i've seen so many women and men that neglect or mistreat their kids that it's just ashame.
i live in the united states, born american and proud of it though i don't agree on what our past government did to our reputation (different story for another time). i live in the worse place ever. camden, nj. one of the top 10 or 5 worse cities in the states. i live in the projects a place where no one would want to start a family. where i live it gets cold and omg it gets cold. explain to me that how can a mother of three (being that she has three kids she should kno better) take her youngest wich is only about 9 months outside where it's below 40 only wearing thermal pants (there not think or anything) and at shirt, and only rap him up with a little blanket. who the hell does that. are you for real. seriously that bothered me cuz if i get cold in a below 40 tem. and have to have two pants on two shirts and a hoody and coat jus imagine how cold that baby was being outside like that.
why does those who don't deserve to have children has them left to right and the ones who stuggle to even have one has to struggle. that never made sence to me.
o, how can a mother that is no longer together with the father and hasn't been together with him for yrs still use her children to get to the father. the worse thing is that she doesn't even have costidy of them and she doesn't even care for them or do anything for them and yet she fake cries to everyone to feel sorry for her.
i'm sorry but i have to go somethin really important came up but believe them subject is not over...
but.... thats not what i want to talk about. there's somethin that has been bothering me for a while and i'm tired of seeing this happen, but there's no way i can change it. it is what it is.
why do people get blessed with children and they're not even fit to be parents. i've seen so many women and men that neglect or mistreat their kids that it's just ashame.
i live in the united states, born american and proud of it though i don't agree on what our past government did to our reputation (different story for another time). i live in the worse place ever. camden, nj. one of the top 10 or 5 worse cities in the states. i live in the projects a place where no one would want to start a family. where i live it gets cold and omg it gets cold. explain to me that how can a mother of three (being that she has three kids she should kno better) take her youngest wich is only about 9 months outside where it's below 40 only wearing thermal pants (there not think or anything) and at shirt, and only rap him up with a little blanket. who the hell does that. are you for real. seriously that bothered me cuz if i get cold in a below 40 tem. and have to have two pants on two shirts and a hoody and coat jus imagine how cold that baby was being outside like that.
why does those who don't deserve to have children has them left to right and the ones who stuggle to even have one has to struggle. that never made sence to me.
o, how can a mother that is no longer together with the father and hasn't been together with him for yrs still use her children to get to the father. the worse thing is that she doesn't even have costidy of them and she doesn't even care for them or do anything for them and yet she fake cries to everyone to feel sorry for her.
i'm sorry but i have to go somethin really important came up but believe them subject is not over...
Monday, December 7, 2009
my hopes
I'm starting not to know what to say anymore. I'm loosing my words and I can't seem to find them. I hurt deep inside and I have yet gain the answers to my questions. I cover myself with helping others so that I don't face my own problems. I am loosing my mind more and more everyday. only when he is around me I find comfort yet no answers but I can live with that. I'll stand by him as he'll stand by me. I keep faith in my heart because it gives me strength to wake up. I pray because it keep me sane and I believe because he believes in me. but until the day comes where I can receive my answers i will be incomplete. so till then I will do my best in maintaining my sanity and keeping my heart pure. I will do my hardest to find love within myself in hopes that it will overcome my sadness. with my blogs I will try to find my words and bring since to my loneliness.
I teach myself to help myself so that I can fully be able to teach and help others. I am no saint. I am not perfect and I have more flause then the next person. and because I this I will continue to move on and continue to gain what I have yet gain. (making any since) lol.
one day I will be able to see the tomb where my father rests. it's been almost 5 yrs and since he is so far away I have yet been able to see him or even go the day he was barried since they barried him so far away from in children. I hope he forgave me for not being the daughter I should have been and I will forgive him for not being the father he should have been. (there's always two storys to everything)
I will find the heart to ask my mother who still lives to forgive me for all the wrong that I have done to her. I know she did her best in being a single parent and kept her strength and head up high through out all the hard and painful tragedies in our lives.
I will ask my little sister to forgive me for leaving so young and not being by her side when she needed me the most. and even though she is only a year younger then me she is still my little sister and will do anything to protect her. I've some how erased most of my childhood memories with her and I'm still fighting to them back.
I will help my little brother as I have said and hope that he too can forgive me for my lack of being there for him as well.
and in hopes that through this I will find more piece in my heart or I am to be doomed for the rest of my life. brought harm and tears to my family and I've disappeared throughout our lives. I've came and went leaving them wondering why where and will I ever come back. I hope that can change people lives so that they will not go through what I've gone through. and I hope that I can find myself for it is time for me to come out again. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING....
I teach myself to help myself so that I can fully be able to teach and help others. I am no saint. I am not perfect and I have more flause then the next person. and because I this I will continue to move on and continue to gain what I have yet gain. (making any since) lol.
one day I will be able to see the tomb where my father rests. it's been almost 5 yrs and since he is so far away I have yet been able to see him or even go the day he was barried since they barried him so far away from in children. I hope he forgave me for not being the daughter I should have been and I will forgive him for not being the father he should have been. (there's always two storys to everything)
I will find the heart to ask my mother who still lives to forgive me for all the wrong that I have done to her. I know she did her best in being a single parent and kept her strength and head up high through out all the hard and painful tragedies in our lives.
I will ask my little sister to forgive me for leaving so young and not being by her side when she needed me the most. and even though she is only a year younger then me she is still my little sister and will do anything to protect her. I've some how erased most of my childhood memories with her and I'm still fighting to them back.
I will help my little brother as I have said and hope that he too can forgive me for my lack of being there for him as well.
and in hopes that through this I will find more piece in my heart or I am to be doomed for the rest of my life. brought harm and tears to my family and I've disappeared throughout our lives. I've came and went leaving them wondering why where and will I ever come back. I hope that can change people lives so that they will not go through what I've gone through. and I hope that I can find myself for it is time for me to come out again. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING....
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