Questions?

Am I really meant for you?
And are you really meant for me?
Is the love we share true?
Is finding true love just a dream?
Do you need me as much as I need you?
After all your the first one there when I'm blue.
When you speak is it from the heart?
Is there a distance to our love?
Can it travel far?
When you say forever do you mean till death do us apart?
When you say I'm the only one do you really mean that I'm the only one?

No longer...

We once were dreamers.
Destined to be forever.
Along came something powerful,
We then had a no longer.
I tried to plea with you,
But you were so awful,
Then there was a chance,
And I gave up and said
         Forever was never true.

Your heart grew cold,
Days went by,
We both were alone,
Then months went by,
We had no future to hold.
I became dark,
You... more careless,
We separated far,
And I became fearless.


Bitter memories…
A part of me,
That will be the end of me.
I have foreseen,
How our love will remain misery.
But you once had hope,
And it was too late,
So u had to leave,
And we just changed.
I still keep you close,
Though you might not know,
That I look at the stars,
And sometimes wish we never
        Had part…..

I remember

I remember everything, all the good and bad,

I remember the most of the happy and sad.
I remember when you said we’ll always be together,
But I remember the most when it didn’t last forever.
I remember you held me hands just to walk me to class,
I remember how everything happened so fast.
I remember the looks you use to give me cuz you couldn’t believe,
I remember when you use to hold me and say how we will always be.
I remember the headaches we had when we couldn’t be next to each other,
And the timeless moments when we knew our future…
I remember the time when there was a time that we stood far apart,
And as the days went by we remained in each other hearts.
I remember the times when I use to dream of waking up next to you,
And the times where everything got so confused…
I remember the days where our youth were so perfect,
And in my heart I knew we deserved it.
I remember saying that I will never stop loving you,
I remember when years after you said you no longer loved me,
I remember laying there wondering if that was true,
I remember when I finally realized that it was never meant to be.
I remember telling you that if we were meant to be life will brings us together,
I remember everything because I always wonder…
I remember you because everything remembers me of you,
And even if you do not feel the same its ok cuz I’ll keep this from you.
I remember……

unfit mothers

wow it's been a long time but i'm here, still here. so much has happen and i don't kno where to begin. o happy 2010 everyone i kno i'm a lil late for dat but hey better late then never huh? i have some concerns towards  my mother that is. i love this woman and i'll do anythin for her. without her i would never have been here and of course my father did his thang (lol) but my mother was the one who carried me, mothered me. took care of me. she is my world as i am hers and i hate the fact that she is goin through struggles wich i can't help her the way i'd like to. i cry with her laugh with her tell stories with her and dream with her. i luv her.
but.... thats not what i want to talk about. there's somethin that has been bothering me for a while and i'm tired of seeing this happen, but there's no way i can change it. it is what it is.
why do people get blessed with children and they're not even fit to be parents. i've seen so many women and men that neglect or mistreat their kids that it's just ashame.

i live in the united states, born american and proud of it though i don't agree on what our past government did to our reputation (different story for another time). i live in the worse place ever. camden, nj. one of the top 10 or 5 worse cities in the states. i live in the projects a place where no one would want to start a family. where i live it gets cold and omg it gets cold. explain to me that how can a mother of three (being that she has three kids she should kno better) take her youngest wich is only about 9 months outside where it's below 40 only wearing thermal pants (there not think or anything) and at shirt, and only rap him up with a little blanket. who the hell does that. are you for real. seriously that bothered me cuz if i get cold in a below 40 tem. and have to have two pants on two shirts and a hoody and coat jus imagine how cold that baby was being outside like that.
why does those who don't deserve to have children has them left to right and the ones who stuggle to even have one has to struggle. that never made sence to me.

o, how can a mother that is no longer together with the father and hasn't been together with him for yrs still use her children to get to the father. the worse thing is that she doesn't even have costidy of them and she doesn't even care for them or do anything for them and yet she fake cries to everyone to feel sorry for her.

i'm sorry but i have to go somethin really important came up but believe them subject is not over...

my hopes

I'm starting not to know what to say anymore. I'm loosing my words and I can't seem to find them. I hurt deep inside and I have yet gain the answers to my questions. I cover myself with helping others so that I don't face my own problems. I am loosing my mind more and more everyday. only when he is around me I find comfort yet no answers but I can live with that. I'll stand by him as he'll stand by me. I keep faith in my heart because it gives me strength to wake up. I pray because it keep me sane and I believe because he believes in me. but until the day comes where I can receive my answers i will be incomplete. so till then I will do my best in maintaining my sanity and keeping my heart pure. I will do my hardest to find love within myself in hopes that it will overcome my sadness. with my blogs I will try to find my words and bring since to my loneliness.
I teach myself to help myself so that I can fully be able to teach and help others. I am no saint. I am not perfect and I have more flause then the next person. and because I this I will continue to move on and continue to gain what I have yet gain. (making any since) lol. 
one day I will be able to see the tomb where my father rests. it's been almost 5 yrs and since he is so far away  I have yet been able to see him or even go the day he was barried since they barried him so far away from in children. I hope he forgave me for not being the daughter I should have been and I will forgive him for not being the father he should have been. (there's always two storys to everything) 
I will find the heart to ask my mother who still lives to forgive me for all the wrong that I have done to her. I know she did her best in being a single parent and kept her strength and head up high through out all the hard and painful tragedies in our lives. 
I will ask my little sister to forgive me for leaving so young and not being by her side when she needed me the most. and even though she is only a year younger then me she is still my little sister and will do anything to protect her. I've some how erased most of my childhood memories with her and I'm still fighting to them back. 
I will help  my little brother as I have said and hope that he too can forgive me for my lack of being there for him as well. 
and in hopes that through this I will find more piece in my heart or I am to be doomed for the rest of my life.  brought harm and tears to my family and I've disappeared throughout our lives. I've came and went leaving them wondering why where and will I ever come back. I hope that  can change people lives so that they will not go through what I've gone through. and I hope that I can find myself for it is time for me to come out again.                                    THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.... 

for my little brother

i am trying to help him, but for some reason he seems lost. he is my brother, my little brother, my only brother. i jus hope that he understands how hard i am trying. i'll give him my all and all  the advice and guiedence that i can give him. i will not give up on him and i pray that he grows a little more patient. after all we are in a ressesioin and i am doin my best. i will not let him and i'll give him shelter and my love and support. i'll give him all my blessings in what ever he does and back him up on it. i know it is hard and since he is still young and has never fully has been on his own he can always lean on me because i am his sister, his older sister. i feel as though God sent him to live with me for a reason and untill i can fully help me i will not stop nor turn my back on him like everyone else has in the past. (to my sister: don't worry i am not talking about you lol) my brothers bday is on saturday and he hasn't had atleast a little party or even a girft nor a cake in years and i will do my all to give it to him jus to c him smile. i luv u junito. you have always gave me hope in moving on and strength when i lost faith. and now that ur growin weak i'll give you strength even if it's the last strength in my soul. and if you loose sight in your faith i will show you the way in claiming i back!! it's all yours bro b cuz i love u homie... I WON'T LET YOU DOWN...

being ur self..

To be you in today’s world is hard. People start judging before they can have a chance to know you. Trying to be someone else can give you a huge weight on your shoulders. Proving to people that you are like no other is more work then a regular 9 to 5 lol. It’s sad but it's true. Then when you feel as if all is well the worse happens. You end up loosing your self and start to not even recognize the person you're looking at in the mirror. You know all of you have once or twice, hell even more then has looked in the mirror and asked who am I? Right? Lol.



You know when your in a work place you have to be different, professional. Then let’s say you make friends with someone and yall end you hanging out after work. It don't matter where, jus two ppl from work. Doesn’t'[t it feel uncomfortable in the beginning. since the only thing they know about you is how you are/act at wok. I hate that. then they start judging you, or you start judging them. why is that? why do we judge ppl first then get to know them later? is that backwards? shouldn't we know them first? Then we can freely judge them now since we know them.


I’m always being judged. Then when ppl start to know me it's always the same thing. "O, I honestly thought you were mean and rude. I thought you were the bitch here. But your honestly a good person, in and out of work." ppl has told me this so many times that now I just start to laugh. I don't even care anymore what ppl think of me. No one should care what ppl think. Thoughts and opinions of an individual are harmless. But I’ve seen ppl get highly upset over some words.


I have friends now that has later on during our friendship had the nerve to tell me they thought I was a bitch, bully, rude, mean. When I start laughing they get confused. When they ask me what’s so funny I’ll simply say, “I’m use to it". They’ll just simply look at me with more confusion. How come ppl think of me in these ways and then change their minds when they have a better understanding about me? Well, I really don't know. All I know is that I am a person who'll tell you the truth no matter the cost. If you have my whole complete honesty then that will let you know I’ll be a good friend. If we're having a conversation and I say something that I shouldn't say, just because I speak my mind weather you want to hear it or not doesn’t mean that I am a rude person or mean or even a bitch. I’m just saying what everyone is thinking but too afraid to say that. That will make me brave and again a good friend.


If you’re asking me for advice, bare yourself for the worse because even if I don't mean to so up forward with my words at least I didn't beat around the bush like your other friends. If you tell me you love this guy so much and you know he's with someone else but you can't seem to part ways with him since you love him so much. I’ll be gentle and tell you that you're stupid but the heart must take time to heal. And if he really cares/loves you he wouldn't do anything to harm you in any way shape or form, and as a friend I’ll stand by you.


Since I am this type of person why must I be judged as a mean, rude, bitch person. I guess. If that's how ppl feel then so be it. I am going to continue to be me and there's no one that can stop me...


Now remember that these are my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I am not saying that I am right or telling you how to feel. just know that I am going to say the truth my truth and if your agree that’s what up and if you don't that what’s up too... always remember never to catch feeling because of what one say. Words are words. Never give someone the chance to control your emotions or get the best of you because then they'll have the upper hand..... xoxo