That's when I'll stop loving

When hell freezes over,
When the sky is pitch black and blue,
When I no longer am your lover,
That's when I'll stop loving you.
When God calls us home,
To our sweet bitter memories,
When I'm no longer dreaming of Rome,
Free from all this publicity,
When I no longer do for you,
That's when I'll stop loving you.
When I literally cry of pain but with no tears,
When I seek only loneliness; that's one of my fears.
When I am no longer straight forward and confused,
That's when I'll stop loving you.
When I cry and beg my heart to stop,
When I am no longer me,
When I scream and yell 'cuz it hurts a lot,
When I'm farther from us then I'll ever be.
When you only speak lies and no longer the truth.
That's when I'll stop loving you...

Seasons Change....

A wall....
Feeling alone.
Trying to see but still alone.
    EMPTY....
Emotionless...
A reddish bricked wall.
No longer allowing myself to love.
    Still alone...
         Fearful...
Tired of wondering when freedom will come?
Till then... still... alone
Motionless...
Unable to move freely as desired.
         Commitment...
RUN!!!!
To much to handle.
Eyes full of tears.
Afraid to speak.
Searching and looking for the fire that is no longer.
HELP ME...
                     ALONE....
      Incomplete...
Only because you are not there.
      Troubled...
Because I am forever alone!
      Timeless....
Because love has lost it's passion.
Swimming in a pool that's empty.
Afraid to walk pass or through the wall.
I wonder... lost in thought.
       CHANGING....
Eyes open...
No, still dreaming.
But why?
Breaking through...
No care in the world.

Able to see, no longer alone.
      Full of life...
And strong with passion.
Full of life because there is forever.
Fixed but still broken.
Timeless only because I'm walking on clouds.
                 ALIVE...
Full of fire burning within my soul.
   "Let freedom ring"
I am now forever free.
I see as far as my eyes can see.
Full of power.
Since I'm moving mountains.
No longer bitter.
For I am now able.
      PEACEFUL...
   CALM...
Aroused in all ways possible.
      THINKING...
No longer in pain.
      SAFE...
        More so....
COMPLETE...
Now fully awake
Realizing that I am now in your arms.
Seeing the seasons change when our eyes met.
Melting because I am now safe in your arms.
Able to say I LOVE YOU....

I Tried...

I struggled for a very long time because of you.
I tried to ignore the signs and move on because of you.
I tried to hide my tears with a happy smile because of you.
I tried to forget about my future and lost my mind because of you.
I lost myself, not recognizing my own reflection because of you.
I made enemies and lost all my friends because of you.
I gave up on my hopes and dreams because of you.
I no longer saw me for me because of you.
I did some fowl shit because of you.
I fully lost it for a month or two.
I broke down and walked a dark path because of you!
I contemplated the end because of you!
I cried endless nights because of you.
I hid myself for a long time because of you.
I tried to make justice but failed because of you.
I tried to look pass all odds but couldn't because of you.
I tried to make good memories but ended up with bitter ones because of you.
I ran away from everyone and everything I loved because of you.
I tried my hardest to embrace the truth.
And that's when I simply gave up on you...
But I tried....

never

Never will you fall 'cuz I hold you in my arms
Never will you break down , even if I'm too far.
Never will you fall again,
Never will you cry because we will never be then just friends.

My heart is yours, locked in your soul forever,
Your heart is mines which will let us be together.
There's a lot for us to see, but it can be shared,
Once it's time for us to dream I will always be there.

Never have I fallen 'cuz you're always by my side,
Never will I feel as if I want to break down and die!
Never will we part,
Never will you be away from my heart.

People say to never say never, only 'cuz I don't know what can happen,
But to me it's never say never if you don't really mean it.
I only say never 'cuz I say it from deep with in,
I will love you forever and I will always mean it.

Never will my heart change,
And never will I too,
Never will my love faded,
Because I'll forever love you!!!!

mmmmmmm

ok... i'm excited b cuz there's this book that i am reading called NERVOUS.... BY ZANE... she's awsome. I MEAN AWSOME... lol.. i'm almost to the end of it so i don't want to write about the book itself... ok before i say anymore ZANE'S books has alot of SEXUALITY... i mean A LOT... LOL. beinging that i have read like 4 or 5 (well i own the of coarse) it got me thinking. is it really that bad for a woman to express herself sexually i mean guys do it all the time. see, her novels are great especially to women because it lets us know how it's ok for us to have a you know WILD SIDE. hehe. see, when a women is known to have sex with more then just one guy, several guys she's a whore, hoe, slut, ect (need i say more). but i think that there's many types of sexaul women and that's ok for one to experiance what most are afraid too.
        you that female that every guy wants. that female that seems to b so misterious and cold but HOT at the same time. well that's the female that's not afraid of doing or saying or even asking for SEX. but she's also the female that never is seened with a guy, why??? simple this female like to keep herself and hers PRIVATE. mmmmm understand..... no, ok.
         lets see another type is. you know that female that most crave for. the one that looks at you and makes your birdy tickel... lol that female that lets you know right from the door what she wants and expects no more or less from you. that female that goes to her closet and chooses the man FOR THE NIGHT. the one that claims that she don't need a man to keep her warm... lol well that's the type of female that most confuse as whores, hoes, sluts., just cuz she knows what she wants and even gets what she wants.
now.

i know and completely understand that there has to be a point where a female has to respect herself.
i think guys has it good cuz they can sleep  with as many as they want and not b considered anything. i guess. right? i don't know really i'm not a dude. there's some women who are afraid to say the word sex, fuck, intercourse, or anything that names a body part. lets face it people 2010... things are changing and the sex indistry is rising every year.

don't get me wrong i'm the one to sleep with strangers. i have one person and this persons satisfies me in all types of ways. remember be safe, prevent unwanted things you know what i mean and live and love life to the fullest cuz there's only one... i'll write more about this next time... there's some things i have to do... laters

I TO YOU

I think of you everyday.
And I hope you think of me that way.
I dream of you every single night.
And I hope you think of me once or twice.
I wait for you so that I can see you.
And I hope that you can see me too...
I pray for you so that you wake the next day.
And I give thanks to the almighty when I see a
         smile on your face.
I'll give you my strength when you are most weak,
I'll give you my all even when you're not next to me.
I gaze upon you in hopes you gaze upon me.
When you cry I will make it all better,
When you are lost I will find you.
When you feel stranded I will... no matter...
I stay close but not to close so that you can still breathe.
When you need guidance you can always count on me,
'Cuz I will never.... I just simply WILL......

a letter to jeff

 I know it's simple of me just by writing this here, but there's something that the world needs to know. Papi I'm not holding back. no more hiding... the world must know how I feel about you and how we met... honestly I never thought we'd last this long. almost 4 yrs wow n I still LOVE YOU. every time I'm with you life just seems to be better. Every time I'm around my soul seems to be at peace. you're the only one that can understand me. you're the only one that doesn't judge me, the only one that can put a real smile on my face when I feel as if my world is falling apart. you always make me cry but their tears of joy. joy because I no longer have to be alone, joy because I wake up everyday next to you, and joy because you've opened my eyes. I know  find myself in dark places at times, but when I'm with you the world seems to sit still. imagine the world asleep with only us walking around it's beauty, with the stars looking at us and the moon shining on us. walking around the world seeing all the secrets she holds... just you and me. sounds like a dream huh.. well, that's my dream... I live to love you and your love allows me to move forward... who would have thought that it's possible to meet someone online... after all we met on Myspace... lol... it's fun to see the expression on ppls faces when I tell them I met you on Myspace. when I think back it's crazy how the day we first seened each other we never stood apart from one another. from the good and the bad I'm always here for you. it's like destiny everything was perfect, you even know my family without having to have known me. that was a good thing 'cuz I didn't have to introduce you to everyone since you knew pretty much everyone.. lol. your a pain in the ass sometimes but I took you AS IS... so I can't return you. lol but I know I'm as much as a headache so I guess we are equal. ;) I just want you to know how special you are to me and when you read this know that I LOVE YOU.......